the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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