The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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