i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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