I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
