Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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