You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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