He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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