Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
