We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
