Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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