the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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