you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
