he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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