Tell her she can't have a vagina
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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