I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
