Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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