You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
