we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
