It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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