Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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