my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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