You really coming over, don't trick.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
