Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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