Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
