I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
