just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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