i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
