Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
