You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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