I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
