every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
