you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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