just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
