I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
