at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So many bounce houses so little time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
