I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
