considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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