if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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