and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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