It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
