She's like a pop up book from hell.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The Olympian is in my bed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
