We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
