I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
