My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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