Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
