I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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