thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
