I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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