He asked to "fluff my boner.."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
