Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
