How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
