The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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