you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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