when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
